I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
