omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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