All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
