Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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