Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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