Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
