We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
