My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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