Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
