my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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