i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
