i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
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