you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
