This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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