that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
