I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
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