Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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