My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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