Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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