So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
