im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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