Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
