we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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