I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
