I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
