I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
