Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
