Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
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