Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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