More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
