Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just found puke in my bra..
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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