dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize