He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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