Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize