dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
