i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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