I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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