My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
