i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
