Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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