Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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