you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
