Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
