can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
are you so shy because you have an std?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
