I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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