i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
