When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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