my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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