If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I stole a fireplace last night.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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