the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize