What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
