dude i'm inner monologue high
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
