I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
