I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
