Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
