no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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