someone threw a dead crab at me
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize