Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
