Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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