who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
