Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
There r osticjed everywhere
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
