Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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