Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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