Apparently you make a good broom.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
