did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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