dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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