we have officially lost it.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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