captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Randomize
